I am bitter... I totally do...
I got pregnant in 2005 out of wedlock. Everything was unexpected. When we confess it to my mom, she cried and asked my boyfriend to leave the house then. She never talked to me. From that moment, I knew I never exist anymore. When my dad found out about it, my life was totally in hell. It even came to the point that the guy who handles our weekly bible study talked to us about my situation as told my dad. He even let me ask for forgiveness to my family. Later on, my boyfriend's family came to our place to talk about my situation. Yes, it was my lesbian aunt (who happens to be drunk at that time) who talked to them. In the end, nothing was agreed upon as my mom never speak up anything. Months passed and I am still the "daughter" that doesn't exist to them anymore. My phone was bombarded with preachy messages from my dad. There are times that my previous officemates often see me crying while talking to someone on the phone, they will then immediately know it's my dad. The messages are always the same. According to them, I never loved them as I decided on my own and I should have asked their permissions and opinions first. I do my laundry even though my tummy is already bulging. If others can't simply have a good night sleep because of their bulging tummy, I experienced it as well. But my nights were spent crying and crying. My entire pregancy is full of emotional pains. Now, I often joke around that my son is pinaglihi sa sama ng loob. When the d-day came, I wasn't able to wake my mom as Jojo rushed me to the hospital. While inside the labor room, my dad called me telling me that I didn't resepct them. I should have told them that I'm giving birth already. My mom joined me in the hospital jsut for a day. It was just me and daddy who stayed there until I was discharged. At present, I still hear my relatives telling me that I was stupid and I never used my head. My mom still gives her cold treatment at times to me but oftentimes to daddy.
That was the past and I'm trying to forget it... I'm trying to heal myself... But came another pregnancy out of wedlock. This time from my brother and his girlfriend. The situation was oh so different now. My parents were so cool about it. Gone were the cold treatment I received from her. Gone were the preachy messages I got from my dad (whenever my dad calls, we were in speaker phone so everyone can hear what he says). The girl lives in our house now. My aunt do their laundry.
Who can blame me from feeling bitter about it?
I'm trying to heal now but my eyes and ears can't fool my heart. I am in pain... The same pain I felt before...
I got pregnant in 2005 out of wedlock. Everything was unexpected. When we confess it to my mom, she cried and asked my boyfriend to leave the house then. She never talked to me. From that moment, I knew I never exist anymore. When my dad found out about it, my life was totally in hell. It even came to the point that the guy who handles our weekly bible study talked to us about my situation as told my dad. He even let me ask for forgiveness to my family. Later on, my boyfriend's family came to our place to talk about my situation. Yes, it was my lesbian aunt (who happens to be drunk at that time) who talked to them. In the end, nothing was agreed upon as my mom never speak up anything. Months passed and I am still the "daughter" that doesn't exist to them anymore. My phone was bombarded with preachy messages from my dad. There are times that my previous officemates often see me crying while talking to someone on the phone, they will then immediately know it's my dad. The messages are always the same. According to them, I never loved them as I decided on my own and I should have asked their permissions and opinions first. I do my laundry even though my tummy is already bulging. If others can't simply have a good night sleep because of their bulging tummy, I experienced it as well. But my nights were spent crying and crying. My entire pregancy is full of emotional pains. Now, I often joke around that my son is pinaglihi sa sama ng loob. When the d-day came, I wasn't able to wake my mom as Jojo rushed me to the hospital. While inside the labor room, my dad called me telling me that I didn't resepct them. I should have told them that I'm giving birth already. My mom joined me in the hospital jsut for a day. It was just me and daddy who stayed there until I was discharged. At present, I still hear my relatives telling me that I was stupid and I never used my head. My mom still gives her cold treatment at times to me but oftentimes to daddy.
That was the past and I'm trying to forget it... I'm trying to heal myself... But came another pregnancy out of wedlock. This time from my brother and his girlfriend. The situation was oh so different now. My parents were so cool about it. Gone were the cold treatment I received from her. Gone were the preachy messages I got from my dad (whenever my dad calls, we were in speaker phone so everyone can hear what he says). The girl lives in our house now. My aunt do their laundry.
Who can blame me from feeling bitter about it?
I'm trying to heal now but my eyes and ears can't fool my heart. I am in pain... The same pain I felt before...
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